[Posted for Brandon Klein.]
The source of shame from infancy that is provided in this chapter seems
remarkably flawed to me. Shame is effectively said to originate from
our helplessness as infants. The fact that we have to rely on others
for things. That we are weak in some way. We are therefore ashamed as
adults of things that display our weaknesses.
First of I don't
think all shame relates to weaknesses. Especially when it comes to
regret and somethings which we shouldn't actually be ashamed of. We are
often ashamed of things we regret. For instance I am ashamed that I
didn't spend more time with my late grandmother. There is no weakness
displayed on my part for wishing I had spent more time with her. One
could argue that what I am feeling is more guilt than shame and yes I do
also feel guilty but I am ashamed and want to hide this feeling from my
family even though I know I have no reason to.
This account also
relies on animals not being helpless at birth as accounting for why
they don't feel shame. Many animals are however helpless at birth.
Sure unlike humans they can walk but few can provide for themselves.
Most still rely on the mother at least for a time. One can still argue I
suppose that they are less aware of their vulnerability and are
vulnerable for less time.
I agree that believing in the idea that we can only feel shame when we are feeling vulnerable or weak is too thin of an argument to make any lasting impression for the future of shaming. When I am feeling helpless when I come into contact with a person (I'm antisocial) and think that I cannot do anything about the situation, I do not, nor do I believe that I should, feel ashamed about the fact that I am helpless. If someone wanted to argue that what I was feeling was shame from not being able to do anything, then I would argue back that feeling shame in this situation would require that I do not like that I am helpless and that I wish I could do something. As far as I know, I am fine with the way I am and I view it in a positive light, so I don't feel the need to change my relationship with the people around me.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, shame can be related to a weakness in some cases. For example, I am afraid of spiders. When I am near a spider, I feel helpless and cower in fear. I do feel some sort of shame that I am weak in a sense and that I wish I could deal with spiders like any other reasonable human being. Instead, though, I usually just run away or call my girlfriend to kill it for me. In this case, I am ashamed of my weakness.